Mild Shock, Suprise and Alarm
by ShepherdMoons
Summary: Part 2 of a 2 part series. A sequel to The Drinking Habits of an Average Smith Clone. What happens when a freeloader appears in the Matrix?


**Mild Shock, Surprise and Alarm**

**A sequel to The Drinking Habits of the Average Smith Clone**

To Jess, with much luck.

After the close shave in Japan, Boydell and Berry had been looking around feverishly for new signs of the rebels. Their cover now blown, they could not go to Zion and look without the people of Zion noticing. You see, this was the problem with people. It's hard to get a decent disguise, what with all the new DNA recognising mumbo-jumbo that protects the entrance.

"Ass hat!" said Berry, who had finally had enough of wondering around aimlessly in Matrix City.

"My thoughts exactly" said Boydell, who was sipping carefully on the latest coffee out of the machine: a Mocha.

"We've been going round in circles today. Look, we're in bloody Tokyo…AGAIN!" said Berry, exasperation flooding into her voice.

"Don't complain. I thought you liked Tokyo anyway?" said Boydell, irritated that his latest caffeine adventure had been interrupted.

"I do, but not when you've been over the same place about fifty billion times in one day" said Berry, looking out of the window at the sea of strange symbols and neon lights.

"That's a bit of an exaggeration, wouldn't you agree?" said Boydell, deciding to be obnoxious.

"Whatever. Look. Why don't we go to Smith, and ask him if he's had any luck?" said Berry, excited at the prospect of going somewhere other than Tokyo.

"We can't because we never know where he is do we?" said Boydell.

"Smart ass. Look, they're probably in L.A." said Berry.

"Why there? That's where they were in the movie. They're not going to appear in the same place twice. But then they may well be stupid enough to." Said Boydell, savouring his coffee once again.

"Worth a try. Better than being here. Dare I say it, but I'm starting to get fed up of having noodles for every meal of the day" Berry said, looking still more grumpy.

"You said it. I'll press a few buttons and maybe we'll get there" said Boydell, securing his coffee in the cup holder. He pressed a few buttons on the main console, and off the ship went, coffee and occupants relatively unharmed, but vaguely shocked at the speed at which they were travelling.

Travelling in Matrix City is a strange thing. Since the world isn't exactly real, neither is travelling. However, due to various strange programming errors while the architect was writing "The World - Service Pack 2", travelling became just about the only real thing in the Matrix. This of course is a problem when trying to track rebels. It means that one has to travel in real time, rather than tapping into the matrix and adjusting the programme speed. This can no longer be done, due to a complex series of encrypted codes, the likes of which had never been seen. And I'm not talking about Wonderboy's powers.

This said, the technological functions of "The World – Service Pack 2" made it possible to invent stupidly fast space ships, and aeroplanes. Though quite why the fact that these crafts are Stupidly Fast is written into the code of the Matrix remains a mystery. The problem is, that because of this programming, almost every object, whether alive or inanimate has a feeling of alarm when travelling in one of the stupidly fast space ships, thus the cup of coffee felt alarmed at the sudden change in speed. As a result of the coffee feeling alarmed, it decided to go cold and loose all flavour immediately for it's own safety. Boydell, who had noticed this in the past, was remarkable annoyed when his cup tried to make a bid for freedom by jumping out of the window. The cup succeeded in it's bid for freedom, however, did not quite make it out of the window. Reason being that the window was closed.

"Stupid supernatural coffee" said Berry, looking out of the now brown stained window.

"It is rather annoying. I don't know how Smith copes with this" said Boydell, who was himself remarkably surprised by the way they were travelling.

"He has his own program. Rather, they have their own programs." Said Berry, looking in _The Ultimate Guide to being a Smith Clone – The Number One Bestseller by Smith 6054_.

"Good book?" asked Boydell, noticing that the journey was complete "We're here by the way"

"Yea its alright, and thank god for that" said Berry gathering her coat and walking out of the ship "Hey, Boydell? Guess where we AREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Smith wondered around in Los Angeles. He had taken to this place. It was the site of the first fight he had had with The One. Apart from that, he liked the fact that he could wonder around and look at the foolish rebel shrines to their so-called "Celebrities". There was one, a man named Hugo Weaving who he had taken a great dislike to. It turned out that the Rebels had made a film version of the matrix, which had involved an Agent called Smith. The actor they chose, Hugo Weaving, was remarkably similar to Smith. The main reason for disliking this man was that he had humiliated Smith by saying that he had a receding hairline in one of the extra interviews. Despite being a computer made being, Smith was remarkably sensitive about his looks.

Looking around, he sighed. For once, he was content. Well almost. In fact, he was far from content. But he liked to think he was. There were reasons for his lack of contentedness. The first was his irritation with his Clones. "DRUNKS!" he would yell at the on endless occasions. He was really quite annoyed that "The World – Service Pack 2" had not fixed the particular issue of clones getting more slobbish as they got more numerous. He could only trust Smith's 2 through 243. After 243, they all went mad. That meant that he could trust under 1 of his clones.

Another major sticking point in recent times for Smith had been the appearance of the two so called Agents from apparently nowhere. It had annoyed him that they had had the rebels right in their clutches in Tokyo, but had failed to do anything about it. Well, they tried. But not hard enough in Smith's opinion. They weren't cut out to be Smiths. So he let them be. Besides, conversation with himself for days on end was starting to get a little tedious. He liked the fact that there was company.

"What the hell were those two thinking? They said they were on our side!" said Neo, looking pissed off.

"They lied. They spat in our faces. They humiliated us" said Trinity.

"They're wankers" said Morpheus sounding far away, almost stoned.

"Right…but still, this a problem!" said Trinity, ignoring Morpheus's strange comment.

"Why?" said Neo "I'm the One, therefore the Man, there for, I can unleash a fat can of whoop-ass on them anytime I like"

"Not exactly" said Morpheus. "They aren't technically from the Matrix, thus are totally immune to everything that we have. Even you."

"This can't be? That stupid bint said I was The One!" said Neo.

"Don't talk about Trinity like that, Neo" said Morpheus.

"I was referring to the Oracle" said Neo, glaring at Morpheus. "What the hell is wrong with you tonight Morpheus?"

"Nothing" said Morpheus, looking highly affronted.

"Niobi is back isn't she?" said Trinity.

"Maybe…" said Morpheus.

"Dude, your glasses are steaming up" said Neo, looking at Morpheus.

"To the more important matter at hand, what the hell are we going to do about these two Matrix free loaders?" said Trinity, looking ready to hit Neo and Morpheus.

"That's where I might be of some use" said a man from behind them.

"Who the hell are you…wait…your Luis aren't you?" said Trinity.

"At your service. Professional freeloader and general twat" said the newcomer.

"Sounds just right" said Neo.

"Dude, you're over qualified. You're on the job" said Morpheus.

"You know, I just got the strangest feeling something terrible and evil just happened" said Berry, shivering.

"I know what you mean. Falling of the 'H' of Hollywood must take it out of you" said Boydell.

It transpired that Boydell and Berry had managed to land on the Hollywood sign, and when Berry had exited the ship, had stepped straight off into nothing. After much re-programming and several long and boring conversations, everything was back to normal, and Berry and Boydell were in a car, driving around the streets of LA.

"Shut up. You're no better" said Berry.

"What? Who fell of the H?" said Boydell, smirking.

"Anyway, this feeling. It was weird. Almost like how I used to feel when I was in Spain with that Freeloader" she said distractedly.

"You know, that's another common thing in the Matrix. Apparently, it's full of Freeloaders, just using it as an excuse to get what they need and want. People freeload off the Matrix all the time. Kinda like us really" said Boydell.

"Yes, but we're not exactly freeloading. We're providing a service" said Berry.

"True" said Boydell, driving round a corner.

As they rounded the corner, a group of four people were creeping across the road ahead of them.

"Curses" said one of them.

"Dude, that's like totally inconvenient" said the other, looking mildly inconvenienced.

Meanwhile, back in the car:

"Oh…"

"My…"

"God…"

"FREELOADING TWAT!" yelled Berry, who threw open the car door, guns and Katana whirling in a frenzy of anger.

Boydell, who was powerless to stop her watched stunned as his friend went mental chopping, slicing and firing into one particular member of the group. The rest of the group appeared to be frozen to the spot. When Berry stepped back, a very strange apparition stood in the middle of the road. It wasn't so much a who, but a what. Underneath was written "Love you too, Luis"

"Sorry about that" said Berry, climbing back into the car.

"You realise of course that you forgot to deal with Neo, Morpheus and Trinity?" said Boydell.

"Yes, I was after one person, and one person only" said Berry, looking satisfied.

"So was I" said new voice.

"Smith? Whats up, my good man?" asked Boydell.

"Oh, I'm good. Just watched a perfect opportunity to get the One just then. Slipped away. But no, I'm not angry. I'm just mildly shocked." Said Smith.


End file.
